When Does The Assault Stop Assaulting You?

 Overcoming the Mental Obstacles After Domestic Violence: A Path to Healing for Single Moms

Being a single mom is tough. There’s no doubt about it. Between balancing work, school runs, and the endless cycle of laundry, dishes, and “Mom, I can’t find my other shoe!”—it can feel like a never-ending challenge. But for moms who have survived domestic violence, the road ahead comes with additional emotional and psychological hurdles. The trauma doesn’t just go away because you’ve left the situation. It lingers, quietly (or not-so-quietly) showing up in every part of life, from motherhood and dating to sleep, self-worth, and everything in between.

In this blogpost, we’re going to take a compassionate, real-talk look at how domestic violence can interfere with your everyday life—and offer some hope, kindness, and humor along the way. Because while the path to healing might feel rocky, it is absolutely possible to regain a sense of peace, balance, and joy, one small step at a time.

How Domestic Violence Interferes with Motherhood

Motherhood is already hard enough without throwing in the emotional baggage of surviving domestic violence. But guess what? You’re not alone, and there are ways to make it through.

1. Trust Issues (And Not Just With Your Kids’ Other Parent): After being in an abusive relationship, trust can be a major roadblock. You might find it hard to trust others—your kids’ other parent, new people in your life, or even your own ability to make safe decisions. It’s completely normal to feel a little paranoid or overly protective. But take a deep breath. Trust can be rebuilt, slowly. Start small, with tiny steps, and give yourself credit for each one.

2. Motherhood Fatigue (The Emotional Kind): You’ve survived something no one should ever have to experience, and the emotional toll can feel like running a marathon in flip-flops. Mental exhaustion can make it hard to show up as the mom you want to be. Sometimes you might find yourself zoning out, feeling numb, or overwhelmed by the endless demands. Be kind to yourself—you're doing your best, and that’s enough.

3. The Guilt Monster: You might sometimes feel like you failed your kids by staying in the abusive situation for as long as you did, or that you’re not doing enough to protect them from future hurt. But here’s the truth: you did what you had to do to survive. Now, as a survivor, you are showing them resilience, strength, and the power of starting over. The guilt has no place in your life anymore—let it go, mama.

How Domestic Violence Affects Dating (And Why You Might Want to Hold Off on Dating for a Bit)

Ah, dating. It’s complicated enough without the emotional fallout of an abusive relationship. But if you’ve been through domestic violence, you might find yourself feeling hesitant, unsure, or downright scared of the idea of dating again.

1. Fear of Repeating the Past: It’s a very real worry. You might wonder, "What if I get involved with someone who’s just like my ex?" That fear is valid, but it’s important to remember that healing means trusting your instincts again. With time and therapy, you can learn to spot the red flags and recognize when something isn’t right. But don’t rush—take it slow, and give yourself the time and space to heal before jumping into anything new.

2. Emotional Unavailability: You’ve been through a lot. And after such trauma, it’s okay to feel emotionally unavailable, even if you're longing for connection. But here’s the good news: that feeling doesn’t have to last forever. In fact, a break from dating can give you the space to focus on yourself, your kids, and rebuilding your confidence. When you’re ready, you'll be better equipped to form a healthy, balanced relationship—not just with someone else, but with yourself.

3. Fear of Judgment (No One’s Perfect, but You’re a Survivor): You might worry that someone will judge you for being in an abusive relationship in the first place. Spoiler alert: the right person will admire your strength. Anyone who doesn't understand the complexities of your journey isn’t worth your time. So take your time and trust that the people who matter will support you and respect your past.

How Domestic Violence Affects Sleep (Because, Seriously, Who Can Sleep Through This Stuff?)

If you’ve survived domestic violence, then you know it can mess with your sleep in a major way. But the thing is, you’re not crazy. Trauma can have serious physical effects, including sleepless nights that feel like they’ll never end.

1. Nightmares and Flashbacks (Thanks, Trauma): The memories of what you went through can sometimes resurface in the form of nightmares or intrusive thoughts. It’s like your brain can’t switch off, even when your body is begging for rest. If you’ve ever woken up in a cold sweat at 3 a.m., staring at the ceiling and wondering when it’ll end, you’re not alone. But with time, therapy, and coping strategies, you can regain control over your sleep patterns.

2. Hypervigilance (Your Brain Just Won’t Let Go): For many survivors, the feeling of being constantly “on guard” doesn’t disappear the moment you leave the abusive relationship. You might have a hard time feeling safe at night—always listening for noises or feeling like something is about to go wrong. This is a form of PTSD, and it takes time to unwind. But here's the thing: you're strong, and your body can learn to relax again with the right support.

3. Hormonal Rollercoaster: Chronic stress can mess with your body’s chemistry, leading to insomnia or restless sleep. The good news is that once you begin to address the trauma and start practicing self-care, your body can find its balance again. And yes, that does mean getting a full night’s sleep eventually (hallelujah).

When Do You Start Feeling "Normal" Again?

Let’s be honest: “normal” feels like a distant dream sometimes. But here’s the thing: recovery isn’t about getting back to a perfect version of your old self. It’s about creating a new version of yourself—one that’s wiser, stronger, and more resilient than before.

1. Healing Takes Time (Like, a Lot of Time): Don’t let anyone fool you into thinking you’ll be “normal” after a quick weekend retreat or a few weeks of therapy. Healing takes time. You might feel like the trauma never stops following you, but little by little, it will lose its power. You will laugh again, feel joy again, and rediscover parts of yourself that you thought were lost forever.

2. Can a Fresh Start Be a Mental Fresh Start?: A new city, a new job, or a change in your surroundings can help create a sense of physical renewal. But here’s the secret: the real fresh start comes when you start healing mentally and emotionally. Therapy, support groups, self-love, and understanding your journey will help you rebuild the foundation of who you are. And when you do that, you might just find that “normal” starts to feel more like a distant memory—one that doesn’t have the same power over you anymore.

3. When Does the Assault Stop Assaulting You?: This is the tough question. It’s the one that lingers, doesn’t it? "When does the assault stop assaulting you?" The truth is, it stops when you take back your power, reclaim your peace, and redefine what life looks like without the shadow of your past looming over you. Healing doesn’t mean forgetting. It means living fully, even with the scars.

My Final Thoughts: You’ve Got This (And So Much More)

So, here’s the good news: the road to healing is long, but it’s also full of hope, laughter, and unexpected moments of joy. Healing doesn’t happen overnight, but with time, support, and a little bit of humor (because let’s face it—life is too short to take too seriously), you will get there.

Remember, it’s okay to have bad days. It’s okay to feel lost sometimes. You’re allowed to take time to rebuild. But most importantly, you are already doing the hardest part—surviving. And that, my dear, is something to be incredibly proud of.

You’ve got this. And there’s so much more waiting for you on the other side. 💪💖

Where do you draw the line? Kid Model VS Victim

As a photographer, I've had some pretty insane requests. People will ask you to make them look 20 years younger or 50 lbs lighter, to which I kindly reply, "I will try." It's when the requests regarding children is where I, as the photographer, will gladly draw the line.

Photo Courtesy: polkaphotos.com

Not too long ago I had an 18 year old give me a call requesting boudoir pictures. The first thing she asked when I answered the phone was, "How much does it cost to have boudoir portraits taken?"
Before you start flipping out, I don't take boudoir pictures. I just don't. But as a mom, I just couldn't resist asking her some questions. She sounded so young on the phone that I just let it all out.
1. How did you hear about me? A: I looked up a photographer online.
2. Did my online listing say that I did that type of session? A: I don't know.
3. Why are you wanting to do a boudoir session? A: I thought it'd be cool.
4. How old are you? A: I just turned 18. 
If I could have reached through the phone and put her in a choke hold, I probably would have. I then gave her the talk. By talk, I mean... Areyoufreakingcrazy? You'rejustcallinganyphotographer? Areyoucheckingforreferences? Doyourealizethosepictureswillexistforever? Areyoutryingtogiveyourmotheraheartattack?
I made her swear she wouldn't do it... but had her crying by the end of the call.
This brings me to my topic: Where do you draw the line?

Photo Courtesy: Maaji Swimwear

I absolutely will NOT take pictures of a child wearing make-up or skimpy clothing. Yes, I will tell a teenage girl that I won't take a picture of her in semi-revealing tankini. Sure, I'll set up a hair stylist to make a little girl look perky and fun. I'll gladly have a stylist create a unique up-do for senior pictures. I will not take pictures of a 7 year old girl in a bikini and makeup.
After seeing some extremely "inappropriate" pictures lately, I can't help but wonder who draws the line and where?
First you have the parents that think, "Oh my gosh! My baby is going to be modeling and will be in BLABLABLA magazine!" Then you have the photographer that's MAYBE thinking, "Whatever these magazine folks want, because I have bills to pay." But then you have to think about the magazines and websites that might or might not be advertising a product. Who are they marketing to?! Is my daughter going online to pick out a $70 bikini? Um... no. Are they marketing to moms that are keeping up with the Kardashians? Who had the genius idea to put a little girl on a magazine page with enough make-up to cause early onset acne and style her like a covergirl?
It's not the playing dress-up that's bothering me. It's not even (maybe a little) the posing like a pin-up model. What's bothering me is that somehow these pictures are going in magazines to be handed out for whatever reason... and it's almost exactly what some pedophiles are being arrested for having saved on their hard drive at home. Don't get me wrong. There's definitely a nudity line (not a strong enough line). Where do you draw the line with everything else? Why can't we let a kid be a kid and not dress them up like "Barbie dolls" when you can go buy a doll at the store? Grow up folks! It's not cute or sweet. It's not even art. It's wrong.