Breaking the Cycle: Generational Trauma Among Women and the Impact on Our Daughters, Granddaughters, and… Our Love Lives (Oh, and Friendships Too)

Hello, Supermom.

It’s no secret that being a single mom comes with a whole lot of superpowers. You're juggling everything—kids, work, social life (who are we kidding, what's a social life?), and of course, surviving the never-ending mountain of laundry. But what happens when the weight of not just your responsibilities but also the invisible baggage passed down through generations lands on your shoulders?

Enter generational trauma—a phrase that sounds a lot like it should come with a therapist’s bill, right? But, hey, don’t run for the hills just yet. Understanding this concept can actually help you understand why you sometimes find yourself feeling a little... well, triggered by things that seem innocuous to the outside world. Trust me, you’re not crazy. You’re just carrying some old, unnecessary family baggage.

Generational trauma refers to the emotional, psychological, or behavioral patterns passed down through families, often from mother to daughter, grandmother to granddaughter, and so on. Think of it as a gift that no one wants. This trauma is often linked to unresolved issues like abuse, neglect, or emotional hardship that were never fully addressed in earlier generations. These patterns show up in everything from how we handle relationships (you know, those “lovely” male relationships we have) to how we interact with our friends, and even how we parent our children.

Let’s face it—mother-daughter relationships are already complicated. But when you add the weight of generational trauma into the mix, it’s like trying to fit a giraffe into a minivan. The impact of what your mother or grandmother experienced doesn’t just disappear. It trickles down, leaving invisible imprints on the next generation. If your mother struggled with low self-esteem, unhealed emotional wounds, or maybe had trouble trusting men (you know, just a tiny thing), guess what? You might have inherited those struggles, and whoops—now your daughter might be struggling with them too.

And let’s not even get started on how this affects granddaughters. I mean, if you thought watching your own daughter struggle with relationships was hard, just wait until you see your grandchild trying to figure out how to love, trust, and not become a walking example of unresolved issues. It’s like the family drama of the century, only you can’t mute it.

Friendships. Ah, yes. Those sweet, supportive relationships—unless you're walking around with a backpack full of generational trauma. It’s no wonder so many women struggle to form and maintain meaningful friendships. If you're constantly carrying emotional wounds that stem from childhood, how in the world are you supposed to trust your friends, let alone let them see the real, unfiltered version of yourself? Add in the fear of rejection, a deep-seated need for validation, and an instinct to protect yourself at all costs—and suddenly, your girl group is full of surface-level small talk and a whole lot of emotional distance.

But hey, it’s not just you. You know your friend who always cancels plans at the last minute or seems to be constantly involved in chaotic drama? Yeah, she might be carrying a bit of generational trauma herself, and let’s be real—chaos seems to be part of the package deal. Until we start working through these deeply rooted patterns, our friendships might feel more like a game of emotional dodgeball than a safe place to lean on.

Now, let’s talk about relationships with men. Cue the dramatic music, right? If you grew up in a household where emotional neglect or toxic masculinity was the norm, it’s no wonder you might struggle with relationships later in life. You know, that whole “I’m not worthy of love” thing or the “All men are fill in the blank” mentality. Or how about this one: "I don’t need a man!" Yeah, we’ve all said that, but sometimes that “independence” mask is really just a shield from the hurt caused by a broken relationship or emotional scars left from childhood.

We’re not blaming anyone here (okay, maybe a little). But let’s acknowledge the obvious: we teach our daughters how to navigate relationships based on what we learned about them growing up. So, if the men in our lives weren’t great role models—maybe they were absent, emotionally unavailable, or just plain toxic—it’s pretty likely that we’ll unintentionally attract those same types of men. And trust me, our daughters notice. "Mom, why do you let him treat you like that?"

And here’s a fun twist—men who have grown up in similar circumstances (hello, unresolved generational trauma) might find it equally hard to navigate healthy relationships. It’s like trying to make a smoothie with half the ingredients missing.

Now, here’s the kicker. Because generational trauma often goes unaddressed, many women end up seeking psychological treatment outside of the home. It’s not just about therapy sessions or support groups (although, thank goodness for those). It’s about realizing that the pain you’re carrying isn’t just your own—it’s an emotional inheritance. And honestly, breaking the cycle sometimes requires a little more than a good talk therapy session.

We might need to dig deep and do the hard work—whether that’s through therapy, journaling, yoga, or (dare I say it?) emotional triage with the bestie over a bottle of wine. But here’s the thing: It’s worth it. Breaking generational trauma is hard, messy work, but it’s the only way to create a healthier, more emotionally stable future for our daughters and granddaughters. Plus, who wants to pass down a bunch of unresolved issues along with the family heirloom china? Let’s make healthier legacies.

Breaking the cycle isn’t about perfection—it’s about healing. Healing means allowing ourselves to feel the emotions we've buried, forgiving our parents (even when it’s hard), and choosing to live differently for the sake of the next generation. It means allowing our daughters to see us struggle, but also showing them how to rise above.

So, let’s get real. We can break the cycle. It starts with awareness, honesty, and the courage to take action. And if you need a little help along the way, that’s perfectly fine. Trust me, no one said breaking generational trauma was easy—but it is possible.

And hey, if we can survive all of that and still manage to laugh at ourselves along the way, then maybe—just maybe—we’re onto something good.

When Does The Assault Stop Assaulting You?

 Overcoming the Mental Obstacles After Domestic Violence: A Path to Healing for Single Moms

Being a single mom is tough. There’s no doubt about it. Between balancing work, school runs, and the endless cycle of laundry, dishes, and “Mom, I can’t find my other shoe!”—it can feel like a never-ending challenge. But for moms who have survived domestic violence, the road ahead comes with additional emotional and psychological hurdles. The trauma doesn’t just go away because you’ve left the situation. It lingers, quietly (or not-so-quietly) showing up in every part of life, from motherhood and dating to sleep, self-worth, and everything in between.

In this blogpost, we’re going to take a compassionate, real-talk look at how domestic violence can interfere with your everyday life—and offer some hope, kindness, and humor along the way. Because while the path to healing might feel rocky, it is absolutely possible to regain a sense of peace, balance, and joy, one small step at a time.

How Domestic Violence Interferes with Motherhood

Motherhood is already hard enough without throwing in the emotional baggage of surviving domestic violence. But guess what? You’re not alone, and there are ways to make it through.

1. Trust Issues (And Not Just With Your Kids’ Other Parent): After being in an abusive relationship, trust can be a major roadblock. You might find it hard to trust others—your kids’ other parent, new people in your life, or even your own ability to make safe decisions. It’s completely normal to feel a little paranoid or overly protective. But take a deep breath. Trust can be rebuilt, slowly. Start small, with tiny steps, and give yourself credit for each one.

2. Motherhood Fatigue (The Emotional Kind): You’ve survived something no one should ever have to experience, and the emotional toll can feel like running a marathon in flip-flops. Mental exhaustion can make it hard to show up as the mom you want to be. Sometimes you might find yourself zoning out, feeling numb, or overwhelmed by the endless demands. Be kind to yourself—you're doing your best, and that’s enough.

3. The Guilt Monster: You might sometimes feel like you failed your kids by staying in the abusive situation for as long as you did, or that you’re not doing enough to protect them from future hurt. But here’s the truth: you did what you had to do to survive. Now, as a survivor, you are showing them resilience, strength, and the power of starting over. The guilt has no place in your life anymore—let it go, mama.

How Domestic Violence Affects Dating (And Why You Might Want to Hold Off on Dating for a Bit)

Ah, dating. It’s complicated enough without the emotional fallout of an abusive relationship. But if you’ve been through domestic violence, you might find yourself feeling hesitant, unsure, or downright scared of the idea of dating again.

1. Fear of Repeating the Past: It’s a very real worry. You might wonder, "What if I get involved with someone who’s just like my ex?" That fear is valid, but it’s important to remember that healing means trusting your instincts again. With time and therapy, you can learn to spot the red flags and recognize when something isn’t right. But don’t rush—take it slow, and give yourself the time and space to heal before jumping into anything new.

2. Emotional Unavailability: You’ve been through a lot. And after such trauma, it’s okay to feel emotionally unavailable, even if you're longing for connection. But here’s the good news: that feeling doesn’t have to last forever. In fact, a break from dating can give you the space to focus on yourself, your kids, and rebuilding your confidence. When you’re ready, you'll be better equipped to form a healthy, balanced relationship—not just with someone else, but with yourself.

3. Fear of Judgment (No One’s Perfect, but You’re a Survivor): You might worry that someone will judge you for being in an abusive relationship in the first place. Spoiler alert: the right person will admire your strength. Anyone who doesn't understand the complexities of your journey isn’t worth your time. So take your time and trust that the people who matter will support you and respect your past.

How Domestic Violence Affects Sleep (Because, Seriously, Who Can Sleep Through This Stuff?)

If you’ve survived domestic violence, then you know it can mess with your sleep in a major way. But the thing is, you’re not crazy. Trauma can have serious physical effects, including sleepless nights that feel like they’ll never end.

1. Nightmares and Flashbacks (Thanks, Trauma): The memories of what you went through can sometimes resurface in the form of nightmares or intrusive thoughts. It’s like your brain can’t switch off, even when your body is begging for rest. If you’ve ever woken up in a cold sweat at 3 a.m., staring at the ceiling and wondering when it’ll end, you’re not alone. But with time, therapy, and coping strategies, you can regain control over your sleep patterns.

2. Hypervigilance (Your Brain Just Won’t Let Go): For many survivors, the feeling of being constantly “on guard” doesn’t disappear the moment you leave the abusive relationship. You might have a hard time feeling safe at night—always listening for noises or feeling like something is about to go wrong. This is a form of PTSD, and it takes time to unwind. But here's the thing: you're strong, and your body can learn to relax again with the right support.

3. Hormonal Rollercoaster: Chronic stress can mess with your body’s chemistry, leading to insomnia or restless sleep. The good news is that once you begin to address the trauma and start practicing self-care, your body can find its balance again. And yes, that does mean getting a full night’s sleep eventually (hallelujah).

When Do You Start Feeling "Normal" Again?

Let’s be honest: “normal” feels like a distant dream sometimes. But here’s the thing: recovery isn’t about getting back to a perfect version of your old self. It’s about creating a new version of yourself—one that’s wiser, stronger, and more resilient than before.

1. Healing Takes Time (Like, a Lot of Time): Don’t let anyone fool you into thinking you’ll be “normal” after a quick weekend retreat or a few weeks of therapy. Healing takes time. You might feel like the trauma never stops following you, but little by little, it will lose its power. You will laugh again, feel joy again, and rediscover parts of yourself that you thought were lost forever.

2. Can a Fresh Start Be a Mental Fresh Start?: A new city, a new job, or a change in your surroundings can help create a sense of physical renewal. But here’s the secret: the real fresh start comes when you start healing mentally and emotionally. Therapy, support groups, self-love, and understanding your journey will help you rebuild the foundation of who you are. And when you do that, you might just find that “normal” starts to feel more like a distant memory—one that doesn’t have the same power over you anymore.

3. When Does the Assault Stop Assaulting You?: This is the tough question. It’s the one that lingers, doesn’t it? "When does the assault stop assaulting you?" The truth is, it stops when you take back your power, reclaim your peace, and redefine what life looks like without the shadow of your past looming over you. Healing doesn’t mean forgetting. It means living fully, even with the scars.

My Final Thoughts: You’ve Got This (And So Much More)

So, here’s the good news: the road to healing is long, but it’s also full of hope, laughter, and unexpected moments of joy. Healing doesn’t happen overnight, but with time, support, and a little bit of humor (because let’s face it—life is too short to take too seriously), you will get there.

Remember, it’s okay to have bad days. It’s okay to feel lost sometimes. You’re allowed to take time to rebuild. But most importantly, you are already doing the hardest part—surviving. And that, my dear, is something to be incredibly proud of.

You’ve got this. And there’s so much more waiting for you on the other side. 💪💖

 Title: Surviving the Holidays as a Single Mom (or Woman) Without Making Life-Altering Decisions

Ah, the holidays. A time for joy, love, family, and... loneliness? Yep, it’s real. For single moms and single women, this season can be a reminder of what you don’t have or where you might feel “lacking.” But before you dive headfirst into a dating app frenzy, or worse, a bottle of wine (let’s be honest, we’ve all been there), let’s take a breather and talk about how to survive this season without making impulsive decisions you’ll regret in January.

1. The “Holiday Boyfriend” Trap

If you’ve spent one too many lonely nights scrolling through dating apps, you’ve probably thought, “Maybe a holiday fling would make this season better.” And while it’s tempting to snatch up anyone with a pulse (and a decent picture), remember: A holiday fling isn’t the answer to your feelings of loneliness.

Let’s break it down: A guy who’s into you just for the holiday cheer? That’s not a real relationship. A holiday romance can be cute in the movies, but in reality? It’s the human equivalent of a gift card. And we both know you deserve more than that.

Instead of trying to fill the empty spot next to you with a temporary solution, why not be your own holiday treat? Take yourself out on a date, check out the pretty light shows, buy yourself that delicious hot chocolate (with extra marshmallows), and watch a holiday movie where no one is crying over missed flights or misunderstandings. You can do it all, solo.

2. Drinking Away the Loneliness: Not the Best Holiday Spirit

There’s no shame in having a glass of wine after a long day, but when loneliness strikes, the temptation to overdo it is real. We’ve all been there: One glass turns into three, and before you know it, you’re texting your ex at 11 p.m. (Don’t do it, girl). The key here is moderation.

Instead of letting alcohol blur the lines between “I’m having a fun holiday” and “I’m numbing my feelings,” try this: Swap your typical drink for something that’ll nourish you, like herbal tea or a mocktail (you know, something fancy that says, “I’ve got it together”). Plus, you'll feel way better about yourself when you're not hungover for the 12th time in a month. You deserve better, not the head over a toilet.

3. Taking Care of Yourself Without Taking a Mental Health Leave

Single moms, I see you. The holiday season is extra work when you’re trying to juggle kid activities, school projects, and keeping up with the demands of your job. If there’s one thing you can’t afford, it’s burnout. But how do you recharge when it feels like there’s no time for yourself?

First of all: Breathe. Just breathe. Your mental health is as important as anyone else's. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, take five minutes in the bathroom with a cup of tea. It doesn’t sound like much, but those five minutes can be a mental reset. Also, when possible, lean on your support system, whether it’s family, friends, or even a fellow single mom who gets it.

And if you’re feeling like you're about to snap? Take a break, even if it's just for an hour. Schedule a “me-time” appointment in your calendar that’s non-negotiable. Go for a walk, do a quick yoga video, or blast some upbeat music and dance around your living room (just don’t let the kids see you; they’ll think you’ve lost it).

4. Don’t Neglect Your Friendships

It’s easy to focus on your kids, your job, and your own “fixing it all” mindset. But that doesn’t mean your friendships should fall by the wayside. Text your bestie, invite a friend for a cup of coffee, or hop on a quick call with someone who gets you. Friendships, especially during the holidays, are essential for your mental health.

Also, as much as you love your kids, they can’t replace adult conversation. If you need to vent, or even just share a funny holiday moment, lean on those friends who make you laugh and remind you that you’re more than just a mom or worker-wonder. You’re still you, and you deserve to feel heard.

5. Your Kids Need Your Best (Not Your Tired, Frazzled Version)

We know your little ones are your world. But let’s be real: The holidays can be a lot. While you're juggling presents, family gatherings, and making sure everyone is fed, don’t forget that your kids need YOU in the best shape possible (even if “best shape” right now means, “I’m wearing yoga pants and haven’t showered in 48 hours”).

Remember, you don’t have to be the Pinterest-perfect mom. It’s okay if the Christmas cookies are store-bought, or if you can't make it to every holiday party. What matters is that you’re there. Your kids need your presence, not perfection. If you’re at your wits’ end, it's okay to admit you need help—ask for it. You’re not superhuman, despite the cape you’re constantly wearing.

6. Work, Work, Work... But Don’t Forget to Have Fun

For single women and moms alike, work doesn’t stop during the holidays. Deadlines don’t take a holiday, and neither do those pesky emails that seem to arrive 24/7. But here's the thing: You can only go full throttle for so long before you burn out.

So, get organized! Prioritize tasks, delegate when possible (yes, even if that means getting your kids to put their own laundry away or your coworker to handle that one report), and plan moments of downtime. Set a time in your calendar to watch a Netflix special or enjoy a quiet evening reading a book. You can work hard and play hard. It’s all about balance.

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In Conclusion: You Got This, Holiday Warrior
The holidays are tough for single moms and women, but with a little bit of humor and a lot of self-care, you can navigate the season without the emotional baggage that comes from making rash decisions. So, embrace your solo power, take breaks when needed, enjoy your own company, and remember—you’re not alone in feeling this way. Other single moms and women are right there with you, navigating the season and doing the best they can. Keep your head up, take care of you, and let the holiday magic come from within.

After all, you are the best gift this holiday season.

Surviving the Chaos: A Single Mom's Journey Through Health, Heartache, and Hope

 

Surviving the Chaos: A Single Mom's Journey Through Health, Heartache, and Hope

Being a single mom is brutal. Throw in a few health conditions, a dash of mental health challenges in your kids, and a sprinkle of “when will this all end?” and you’ve got my life. But somehow, here I am—three-time brain tumor survivor, Auto-immune warrior, and managing a household with two older kids who’ve seen their share of struggles too.

It’s not the life I expected, but it’s the life I’ve got. And if I’m being totally honest, sometimes it feels like I’m starring in my own reality show, with the subtitle “How to Survive Parenting While Battling a Dozen Chronic Illnesses.” Spoiler alert: It’s not a glamorous show, but it’s mine, and I
’m still here to tell the story.

The Health Struggles: A Never-Ending Rollercoaster

Let’s talk about health for a moment—because, as you can imagine, it plays a huge role in my day-to-day. I’ve survived three brain tumors, battled through SLE lupus, fibromyalgia, essential tremors, ankylosing spondylitis, and rheumatoid arthritis. And I won’t even go into how many medications I juggle, because let's be honest, it’s probably a list long enough to fill a grocery cart.

When you're navigating your own health battles, the last thing you want to do is let your kids down. But here's the thing: Sometimes you do. Sometimes, the pain, the exhaustion, and the constant medical appointments feel like too much. And while I wish I could be the superhero mom who never runs out of energy or patience, the truth is, I don’t always have it in me. But that doesn’t mean I’m not trying.

The Parenting Challenge: Navigating Mental Health and Raising Teens

Now, let’s add two older kids into the mix. I’ve got a 16-year-old and a 21-year-old, both of whom have their own mental health challenges. For years, I’ve tried to be the mom who has it all together. The one who provides both emotional and physical support while holding down the fort. But, let me tell you, sometimes it feels like I’m holding on by a thread.

There are days when I can barely keep my eyes open, but my kids still need me. They need emotional support, guidance, and sometimes even a ride to their own doctor’s office (and if you’re a mom, you know that therapists and appointments aren’t exactly around the corner). The guilt can be overwhelming when I’m dealing with my own struggles and can’t always give them the support they deserve. But here’s what I’ve learned: I’m doing the best I can, and that’s enough. Even when it doesn’t feel like it.

The Balancing Act: A Circus Without a Net

Honestly, some days it feels like I’m in the circus. I’m juggling multiple health conditions, appointments, kids’ emotional needs, schoolwork, housework, and let’s not forget the random crises that seem to pop up at the most inconvenient times. I’ve gotten pretty good at pretending that I’ve got everything under control, but in reality, I often feel like a duck—calm on the surface and paddling furiously underneath.

But in the midst of it all, I’ve learned to embrace the chaos. Because really, what other choice do I have? So, I make jokes when I can. I laugh when things get absurd (because trust me, they get absurd), and I hold onto the small moments of joy. Those are the moments that keep me going.

Finding Strength in the Madness

The truth is, I don’t always feel strong. There are days when I question how much more I can take. But every time I think I’ve reached my breaking point, something happens. Maybe my kids show me a little bit of grace, or I manage to get out of bed and make it through the day. Sometimes, it’s just one small victory—like getting through a doctor’s appointment without breaking down—that reminds me I’m still standing.

It’s not easy, and it’s not pretty. But I’ve learned that strength doesn’t always look like you think it should. Sometimes, strength is simply showing up. Even when you’re tired, even when you’re scared, even when you don’t have the answers.

A Message of Hope

To all the single moms out there—especially those of us dealing with health challenges and kids who need extra care—know this: You are not alone. I get it. The exhaustion, the guilt, the fear—it’s real. But so is your strength. So is your love. So is your ability to keep going, even when everything around you feels like it’s falling apart.

So, here’s my advice (and trust me, I’m still figuring it out too): Take it one day at a time. Don’t be afraid to laugh when you can, cry when you need to, and ask for help when you’ve reached your limit. You don’t have to do it all on your own, and it’s okay to not have it all figured out.

If you’re looking for inspiration, look no further than yourself. Because you’re already a warrior.

I'm Not Perfect!

How do you balance expectations for "social media moms" measure of success with our own well-being? In a recent convo with a friend, she shared how she felt so stuck and insufficient, basically calling herself a loser. She told me how she had the picture-book marriage and home life, which was what she portrayed on Facebook. Those were goals, on top of the career choice she had aimed towards. She realized she had it all... but felt depressed and anxious that even after all of these things came into fruition, she wasn't happy. 

So the question is: Why is she comparing herself to all of the other moms on social media? In what ways has it become a competition and why? As a single mom, I've started to realize that when we focus so narrowly on those few goals, we forget the journey we're on. And my friend is not alone in her battle. I see it everyday! Don't you catch yourself taking multiple pictures before finding just the right one before sharing it with your 500+ friends? Some of us adhere to messages from society that indicates a need to have it all together. On Instagram, Facebook and even Snapchat, people show off their lives in such a way that concludes that they have reached all of their goals. Sounds simple, right? What we forget is that there are so many parts of our friends' lives that they aren't posting. Heaven forbid we run into them in public with no makeup on, sporting yesterday's clothes with breakfast stains.

So how do we approach this in ourselves? Acceptance and Commitment. I challenge you to accept where you are in life right now and understand that we have to let go sometimes so we can focus on what we are experiencing in the present moment. You don't need to share all of these details, because this is just for you, without creating judgement or trying to alter the situation... a change will occur. A shift will happen within yourself.

There's an additional approach: Changing and challenging maladaptive thoughts, cognitive twists and actions by promoting emotional regulation since your are TRYING to target current problems.

My friend's thought that things couldn't turn around, and her life was spiraling into a dark hole... is very relatable. I asked her to show some validity to her statements. Prove them to be true. Find the facts. The fact she found is that she needed to be in therapy.

Therapy is very much available these days, but everyone has an opinion on it! You don't have to hit the floor to get help. You can reach for help as soon as you recognize that you're going to need it! It lets people open up without being judged. You get that much needed validation, simultaneously challenging your beliefs and encouraging you to open up some doors and look and the journey you're on.

Do you want to look like you have the perfect life or do you want to feel fulfilled, where you actually feel your emotions that you've been portraying? Be vulnerable. Ask for help. Life isn't a competition. 

SAMHSA’s National Helpline – 1-800-662-HELP (4357)

SAMHSA’s National Helpline is a free, confidential, 24/7, 365-day-a-year treatment referral and information service (in English and Spanish) for individuals and families facing mental and/or substance use disorders.

Budget Guide for the Single Mom

Creating and adjusting to a budget is a pain in the rear, but necessary. You can try a printable budget worksheet to track your monthly spending so you know where your money is disappearing off to, and then you can make the changes that will help you get life moving in the right direction.

As much as I love (loathe) organizing, it didn't take long for me to learn the skill of budgeting. I am what old folks call a tight wad and I am good at living within my means, but creating a budget and sticking to it has always been a hard one. I usually start the month on the right track, but it seems like there is always something lurking around the corner ready to take a yummy bite out of my bank account.

Budgeting isn’t something we learned at my school, though, I think they're teaching it now as an elective. Doing it on your own is scary! Admit it.

There’s never a bad time to start budgeting, but you also won’t have any more success if you start at the “right” time because there isn't one. In the past, I have made a lot of excuses. Extra expenses come along – like car repairs and medical bills – to throw off my plans. If I’m honest, though, there is always something. Y'all know that purse was on sale. No refunds.

How to use a budget worksheet 💜

In my own budget, I included only the expenses that I have. However, there's a few categories for this printable that I think many people use. For example, I don't use Amazon Prime but do have a dreaded cable bill. I'm one of the lucky few that don't have a car note RIGHT NOW, but that'll only last until my hunk of junk makes it's final puff of smoke on the side of the road. (I do love that thing)

The budget worksheet that you'll get to use is one another super mom created and is divided into three main categories: household bills, necessities, and irregular expenses. Household bills are the regular monthly bills that are necessary for your house. Get over it, you have to pay them.

The second category, necessities, is things that you purchase regularly with a flexible amount. The last category, irregular expenses, is really divided into sub-categories. These expenses are once in a blue moon things and can change from month to month. The “fun shopping” sub-category is kind of vague, but it is also the easiest to DELETE when necessary.

Start by writing in your income sources at the top. Also, fill in the date for each week. (Don't get antsy, because I said add dates) Now start keeping track of how much you spend! Before you can make changes to your budget, you need to know what you are already doing wrong. Every time money comes in or goes out, write it on the correlating line under the appropriate week. It doesn't matter if you're paying a couple dollars for soda, because it adds up.  When you get to the end of the month, add up your totals. No cheating!

Where do you spend most of your money? Where can you cut back? If your

income is flexible, how can you earn more if you need to? Did you realize you were
blowing so much in one area? Yeah. I found that out, too.

How to create a budget 💜

Once you know how much you earn and blow through, you can try to create a budget. Only you can determine what needs to change. You need to stick with it to start seeing changes.

After going through this worksheet myself, I realized that I was spending a lot more cash than I thought on food (my kids could eat a grocery store). I was 

sticking to my grocery budget for weekly shopping for the most part, but I also ran to the store for things I forgot every other day! I don't like to eat out, but even the occasional drive-thru order was adding up. Using my budget worksheet, I discovered that we were spending about six weeks’ worth of food budget 

every month. I was mortified.

To fix this, I’m doing two things. First, I’m trying to pay more attention when I make my grocery list and utilize the crap out of coupons, try a little meal planning, so that I 

don’t end up making extra trips to the store. And if we run out of something, it has to wait until the next week. The second thing was to cut back on the fast food. When

I make a simple meal plan I can stick to, we are less likely to hit the drive-thru.

It’s easy to think that a few dollars here and there don’t make a difference, but they really do add up. Those drinks are NOT cheap. 

I think that it’s okay to take a few months to create a good budget if you have the time. It has to be realistic if you are going to stick to it. You probably need to update it often, because things change. Print several of these and track how your spending changes over a few months.

Printable budget worksheet 💜

This budget worksheet fits on a single 8.5×11-inch page. You can print as many copies as you need for personal use. You may need to allow popups or give permission to download.

The All-Consuming Relationship

          It's incredible how some of us don't see that we're in a toxic relationship until we feel like we're drowning. We start out in this amazing situation where we feel like everything is perfect, when we feel the butterflies in our stomach and all we can think about is the intensity of the attention we're getting and how much we missed it. It's disturbing how quickly it can be mistaken for love.

Some of us have started out in these relationships prior to having kids, when all we could think about was having that happy life with a house and kids and a wonderful spouse to share it with. Of course the first thing we want to do is find that perfect spouse! Don't get me wrong, sometimes they just appear out of nowhere and they consume us. I don't use the word consume lightly because that is literally what happens. Your whole world shifts... Be it your career, your friendships, your relationship with your family members. This amazing person comes into your life and they become your life. It's almost as if you didn't even have say-so in the matter. It can happen to the strongest and more independent of us. Next thing you know we feel like everything depends on this other person.

Heaven forbid we schedule something that screws up his schedule. There's no way we could ever eat at a restaurant that he doesn't approve of. Why did you even think to wear that outfit because it's not something he would want you to wear? Why are you still talking to that girl that you've been best friends with your entire life because they're not good for you? 

You are literally questioning everything you have become over your lifetime!

Now whether you ended up marrying this person or not, you're now at the point where there are kids involved. 

Now you are financially dependent on this person whether you like it or not. You have no choice. It's like there are claws embedded in every single part of your life. 

Here's the tricky thing about it though:

This guy that has taken over your life could be any type of person. He could be an addict, or a narcissist, or someone that has mental instability that he's been hiding from you and he decided to stop taking his medication without telling you that you didn't even know he was taking to begin with! It could be any number of things!

But here you are, too scared to leave and terrified to stay. You've lost almost every single one of your friends and support system. You're exhausted because you feel like you are the only one that's able to take care of your kids.

Mental and physical abuse may be part of your life now. Is this affecting your kids as well? What are you doing now?

This happens to the thousands and thousands of women everyday. You could be at grocery store and walk past someone in your exact situation and not even know it.

We've all seen commercials about how to get out of these situations and relationships, but something deep inside says that that's just not you. So you choose to stay.

I raised my son on my own because his father suffered from mental illness and spent most of his adulthood in prison or on the run. I could see it every time he tried to show up and manipulate my son and everyone around him, and I always hoped he would change. I still hope that one day he will. But logically I know better. 

I cry for friends that are being abused and are too scared to leave. I praise God for the strength he gave my friends that did leave those vicious situations, yet they're still fighting the aftermath day in and day out. I see kids being affected be the terror of these situations, mine included, and I beg women to understand the long-lasting effects it can have. I have them myself from my own parent's toxic relationship.

There are so many organizations that exist primarily to help women get out of abusive relationships with or without children just to start over. There are women that leave with absolutely nothing and have to start completely from scratch and they do it. Lord knows it takes a lot of courage but they do.
So here's where I reach the point where I get stuck. I can't rescue them. I can't save them. I can tell them all the right things and be as encouraging as I can, but when it all comes down to it... I have no control over it. They have to fight this battle on their own.

For those seeking resources:

Why You Aren't Allowed To Call My Kid Crazy!

Do you remember when you were younger going into school on that first day and feeling that severe anxiety that you would not know how to handle a situation, or make a new friend, or completely embarrass yourself? Now multiply that times 100, add random hyperness and random depression, throw in some crazy teen hormones and the typical boy genes... And then you can see my son.

He is this amazing creation of imagination and emotion all rolled into one. He has wonderful manners that I will totally take credit for! (He gladly shares these with everyone outside of the home) 

But before I get off track, I'm going to tell you what he's the most amazing at. He goes all day at school without exploding and letting all of those emotions get the best of him. He hides it all day and fakes a smile and pretends that everything is perfectly fine. You might recognize that in yourself! Adults do it everyday. But when my son comes home he crumbles, and it's not pretty. Sometimes it can take hours to pick up the pieces.

Yes, he has a wonderful therapist and a support system but he does not see that. All he can feel is that he's alone and he's scared that he's going to feel like that for the rest of his life. Does that sound familiar? It's something a lot of single moms feel! We may have a few friends that we can call when we're stressed out. We may have a relative that we can call in case of an emergency. We get frustrated. We get angry. We don't know how to communicate our feelings sometimes. 

It's amazing how quick people are able to judge a teenager that is going through such a hard time when we ourselves are dealing with the exact same thing. We just don't know how to relate!

So for those of you with young children that may not be in school yet but are super hyper, don't be afraid to take them to the doctor. Ignore everyone's opinions on what you should do and shouldn't do with your hyper child. That is your child.

For you moms that have a kid that's having a hard time making friends in elementary school, it's okay. Remind them that when they get older, they might not even remember half of those kids. They are there to learn. 

That doesn't mean you need to ignore the situation, though! Explain to them how you have similar issues. Tell them how you have problems making friends sometimes being a single mom. 

For those of you with teenagers, my heart is with you. I feel your frustration.

Your teen may or may not be able to function in school. They may be battling anxiety, depression, bipolar disorder, PTSD, etc and there ARE outlets for you to guide you. There are programs in place to help your student at school. Do not throw your hands up in the air and let some stranger call your kid crazy. Your kid is a warrior just like you are. They are currently in a battle fighting their own war that they may or may not win. Be on their side. Be part of their support system that you wish you had.

There are so many support groups online that you can join where there are mothers and fathers of young adults with "mental illnesses" that can be a shoulder to cry on! You aren't alone.

So I'm telling you now, my son isn't crazy. I may want to scream that at the top of my lungs sometimes because honestly I think we're all a little bit crazy. No. My son, my ambitious and creative teen, my first born... He's a warrior. I'm his mom, but I'm going to be fighting right along side him.

And... I still don't follow the rules.

I know there are the DUH rules about being a mom. There's the bedtime rule, the feed your kid rule, and of course the potty train your kid before they get into school rule. 
Let me tell you something. I am not spending one more minute hovering over my kid's sink trying to shove their toothbrush into the right spot just to get spat on. 
I am taking my kids to the dentist every six months like I'm supposed to. I tell them to go brush their teeth like I'm supposed to. For the love of all that is holy! My son is 14! So yes, I took his whiny butt to the dentist today to get a few fillings. Yes, the dentist glared at me and was trying to talk to ME about oral hygiene like a freaking 5 year old. Kid, I'm older than you and I was learning how to brush my teeth when your parents were in middle school. Don't talk to me about how to brush teeth.

 So check this out: I sat in the corner of the room watching my son get his fillings and I was just commenting on how it didn't hurt, it was just the cold water. He's never going to get a girlfriend with nasty teeth and bad breath. 
The assistant literally turned around and asked what my problem was. 
MY PROBLEM? Heffa! The kid won't brush his teeth and I'm sitting in a chair while your boss is drilling holes in his permanent teeth. Are you paying for it? No? Shut it.
Yes, I was the ultimate bitch today. I have to use that word because there is not one single word that could possibly describe what was going through my head.
How did I end up with a daughter that is going to need major orthodontic work, yet brushes and flosses and even uses mouthwash like she's supposed to, yet her big brother can't seem to brush his teeth?
I quit. I'm done. Not even two hours later he had managed to hunt down one of those push-pop suckers that moms fear at the check out lines at grocery stores. BLUE TEETH y'all. They were blue. Like I wouldn't notice? COME. ON.
So, I'm gonna feed him. I'm gonna provide for him what I'm supposed to. But if one more person tells me I need to brush his teeth for him... middle finger right up in their face, cause it ain't happening. Nope. I am done. Forget the rules. 

Sleep Deprived Mom

I can't even tell you how many articles and blog posts I've read about how to utilize your time as a mom so you can get enough sleep. I've decided it's all crap. Once you first hold that kid in your arms, it's over.
Babies of course have the worst schedules, so you're up every few hours for feedings and random noises that wake you up. For those of you that have had a baby with health issues, such as colic (Colic is a condition where there are repeated bouts of excessive crying in a baby who is otherwise healthy. The definition doctors use is: a baby crying for more than three hours a day, for more than three days a week, for at least one week.), know that it's very possible to lose your sanity without a few hours of sleep.

Toddlers... why do their brains work so hard at night?! I mean, really? Night terrors gave ME night terrors. The minute you hear that blood curdling scream it's like you're on adrenaline overload. First you are running to the child that isn't even awake enough to tell you what's wrong with them. Then you are trying to calm the screaming down any way that could possibly work (all the while realizing that you really need to pee).
Moms, it doesn't stop there. You will never nap again. There is always going to be something. A child getting into trouble while you close your eyes for a few minutes is the least of your concerns.
I have a sleepwalker/sleep-talker and and a 2 am potty break queen that doesn't get up. She just starts crying until I escort her sleeping self to the bathroom. That's just me, and I thank God that I'm a light sleeper after catching my son walking out the front door at 1 am.
And then comes the hormonal preteen. They stay up late, over thinking things and start taking naps at odd hours all over again, so they think it's perfectly normal to wake you up to ask you a random question about why they need new clothes after you've been asleep for 30 minutes.
Teenagers... looking back and remembering that I used to be one, I've decided I'm never going to sleep again. Teens are getting so creative these days as far as getting out at night and getting in to some sort of trouble whether we know it or not. Remember those jerks that almost smashed your car and you couldn't help but want to choke them and wonder who let them pass drivers ed? Yeah, that's going to be your kid. I literally have no advice. I think about all of the things I remember doing as a teen, the insane things my classmates did, and the horrifying things I hear the "good kids" are doing... I find myself researching boarding schools and high-tech home security systems, right along with animal-type tracking implants with heart monitors and stuff that hasn't been invented yet.
I've reached the point that I can no longer contemplate my children going off to college so I'll end on this note: I'll sleep when I'm dead.

Where do you draw the line? Kid Model VS Victim

As a photographer, I've had some pretty insane requests. People will ask you to make them look 20 years younger or 50 lbs lighter, to which I kindly reply, "I will try." It's when the requests regarding children is where I, as the photographer, will gladly draw the line.

Photo Courtesy: polkaphotos.com

Not too long ago I had an 18 year old give me a call requesting boudoir pictures. The first thing she asked when I answered the phone was, "How much does it cost to have boudoir portraits taken?"
Before you start flipping out, I don't take boudoir pictures. I just don't. But as a mom, I just couldn't resist asking her some questions. She sounded so young on the phone that I just let it all out.
1. How did you hear about me? A: I looked up a photographer online.
2. Did my online listing say that I did that type of session? A: I don't know.
3. Why are you wanting to do a boudoir session? A: I thought it'd be cool.
4. How old are you? A: I just turned 18. 
If I could have reached through the phone and put her in a choke hold, I probably would have. I then gave her the talk. By talk, I mean... Areyoufreakingcrazy? You'rejustcallinganyphotographer? Areyoucheckingforreferences? Doyourealizethosepictureswillexistforever? Areyoutryingtogiveyourmotheraheartattack?
I made her swear she wouldn't do it... but had her crying by the end of the call.
This brings me to my topic: Where do you draw the line?

Photo Courtesy: Maaji Swimwear

I absolutely will NOT take pictures of a child wearing make-up or skimpy clothing. Yes, I will tell a teenage girl that I won't take a picture of her in semi-revealing tankini. Sure, I'll set up a hair stylist to make a little girl look perky and fun. I'll gladly have a stylist create a unique up-do for senior pictures. I will not take pictures of a 7 year old girl in a bikini and makeup.
After seeing some extremely "inappropriate" pictures lately, I can't help but wonder who draws the line and where?
First you have the parents that think, "Oh my gosh! My baby is going to be modeling and will be in BLABLABLA magazine!" Then you have the photographer that's MAYBE thinking, "Whatever these magazine folks want, because I have bills to pay." But then you have to think about the magazines and websites that might or might not be advertising a product. Who are they marketing to?! Is my daughter going online to pick out a $70 bikini? Um... no. Are they marketing to moms that are keeping up with the Kardashians? Who had the genius idea to put a little girl on a magazine page with enough make-up to cause early onset acne and style her like a covergirl?
It's not the playing dress-up that's bothering me. It's not even (maybe a little) the posing like a pin-up model. What's bothering me is that somehow these pictures are going in magazines to be handed out for whatever reason... and it's almost exactly what some pedophiles are being arrested for having saved on their hard drive at home. Don't get me wrong. There's definitely a nudity line (not a strong enough line). Where do you draw the line with everything else? Why can't we let a kid be a kid and not dress them up like "Barbie dolls" when you can go buy a doll at the store? Grow up folks! It's not cute or sweet. It's not even art. It's wrong.

Beat the Summer Blues

Because I had the genius idea of having my office right across the hall from my kids' rooms, I'm not getting ANYTHING done during the day! I don't know why I bother walking in there. I walk towards the door and I have a shadow asking, "Mommy, what are you doing? You aren't going to work, are you?"
Of course not. Why would I ever want to do that? - I need a break from my kids.

I started an early morning walking group with some other moms in my neighborhood. I need the exercise, don't get me wrong, but it's mostly the only time I have with other adults, even if it is for only 45 minutes at the crack of dawn.

Earlier this summer, I brought up the topic of having fun kid activities lined up for this summer on the neighborhood website. I had all sorts of feedback! You wouldn't believe all of the awesome ideas these folks were forking out.

Just in case you want the list:

Sell lemonade AND wash bikes for a buck.
Giant bubble recipe & directions http://tatertotsandjello.com/2010/08/sum...
Make ice cream in baggies http://www.growingajeweledrose.com/2013/...
For TWEENS 40 card games & Minute to Win It games + many more http://childhood101.com/2014/07/23-activ...
GIRLS Make up party, Mall make up, make jewelry, sew a pillow, Make a name sign with photographs of friends posing letters
FAIRY HOUSES http://www.houseofhawthornes.com/were-ba...
BOYS: play real marbles, origami, paper airplanes, foil boats - which one holds the most cargo. Fastest Lego car, cook:https://www.pinterest.com/search/pins/?q...
Scavenger Hunt change themes.. by colors, 1 of anything 2 of something 3... something for each letter in SUMMER...
Science Experiments http://www.growingajeweledrose.com/2013/...
20 fun ways to use a pool noodle http://www.babble.com/home/20-clever-way...
INDOOR ACTIVITIES photos & directions:http://blissfullydomestic.com/life-bliss...

Let me tell you how excited I was.... I ALMOST had the ambition to do cartwheels in the backyard. I couldn't wait for the super-mommies in the neighborhood to get things rolling! The very next day I was receiving inquiries on when I was going to set up these activities. Crap. Me? No. Not happening. So, now you have an awesome list of ideas for your kids to fill up their summertime with their little friends. I'm going to keep working on finding a sucker to take up the job here in my hood. Wish me luck.

Your Kids have TOO MANY TOYS! Now What?

Your kids have too many toys. Your friends have told you. Your neighbors have told you. The babysitter has told you several times. What's stopping you from doing something about it? Ah, yes. The crying and screaming that you don't want to deal with is the reason your home is in complete chaos and you can't walk across your kid's bedroom without stepping on something. Let's work on NOT having a sharp pain under your foot for a while, shall we? Here are some steps you can take to clean it out!

Step 1. The first thing you need to do is stop adding to the collection of JUNK that seems to end up

under the bed... or even your bed for that matter. You do not need to buy a toy every time you step into Target just so you can go shopping in peace. If you're having a problem breaking that habit, give the kids their own shopping list. It'll give them a responsibility as well as keep you on track. Let's save you some money while you're at it!

Step 2. Talk to your friends and relatives. Let them know that you are clearing things out. They might have some ways to help "make things disappear" or they will at least know that they don't need to add to the collection any time soon.

Step 3. Give them the opportunity to pick out what they want to lose first. You can get creative with this, too. You can put out some boxes with labels that show whether the child wants to sell it (garage sale! Let them keep the money!), donate it to children that don't have toys, or toys that are broken and need to hit the trash can. This can amazingly cut that pile in half.

Step 4. Pack up half of what's left in storage tubs. They can pick what goes in them to play with later, because it's time to rotate. If your child has too many options, they lose imaginative skills. They need to be creative with what they have! You can switch them out every six months, which gives you another opportunity to clean out the newest junk.

Step 5. This may be hard at first, but you can tell your child(ren) that if you find a neglected toy where it doesn't belong, it goes in a donation box. Basically, "It's mine. You lost it when you decided not to take care of it." It hurts at first, but eventually they'll catch on.

Step 6. If you really want to get creative about it, and if you are friends with moms that have kids near the same ages, you can put things into a trade box. Each kid has to put several toys in a box so they can choose one "used/new" toy out of a friend's box. This way, they may be losing a bunch of toys, but they get something else to play with. Take what's left to a facility that helps foster children!

Next thing you know, you have managed to get rid of at least a fourth of the junk that's taking up so much space. You won't hear "I"M BORED!" quite so often. The only project left will be to show your children how to keep what they have organized. Unfortunately, this is a "lead by example" situation. Have them help you organize a room that you've been ignoring, and in turn, help them organize. It won't happen overnight, that's for sure. But either decide to take action, or keep stepping on toys. Your choice!

NOW GET ORGANIZING!

Patience is a Virtue

According to Wikipedia, "Patience is a virtue is a proverbial phrase referring to one of the seven heavenly virtues typically said to date back to "Psychomachia," an epic poem written in the fifth century." Also stating, " The first virtues were identified by the Greek philosophers Aristotle and Plato, who regarded temperance, wisdom, justice, and courage as the four most desirable character traits. After the New Testament was written, these four virtues became known as the cardinal virtues, while faith, hope and charity were referred to as the theological virtues."

I can't even begin to tell you how many times I have heard the saying "Patience is a virtue" anywhere from movies to my parents. It seems to have outweighed the other 7 virtues over time, that's for sure. I have decided that it is primarily used by parents or our elders as a way to basically say, "shut up and wait, because I can't do anything about it." I have even let it slip out of my mouth a time or two, being pretty ironic coming from the least patient person EVER!

Today, as I wasn't feeling that hot (I laid in the bed most of the day being super lazy), my children kept asking me when we were going to do something fun this summer. I looked at my daughter like she had completely lost her mind at some of the ideas she brought to the table. She said, "Let's just go to Hawaii for a few weeks." Right... let me get right on that. My son wanted to go to the neighborhood pool, which he mentioned every hour on the hour. Again, I looked at him like he was crazy and didn't even respond. I told them bright and early that I was taking a sick day and to go play with the abundance of junk they have all over the house!

They eventually just pushed me too far and so after dinner, it was off to the getting ready for bed

routine. My son took approximately an hour to get a shower and brush his teeth. He's eleven, therefor he dragged that one out 4 times what it should have taken. My daughter took 15 minutes to pick out her pajamas, 30 minutes in her "relaxing bubble bath", and 45 minutes to dry off and get her pajamas on. I'm still trying to figure out how they managed to argue with each other the majority of this whole process, considering they were using two different bathrooms. It amazes me.

As it is summer, we had already surpassed bedtime by two hours at the point where I was turning red in the face and I'm pretty sure a few new white hairs sprang from my head. I think I said go to bed at least 8 times ( I don't exaggerate this), when my son came to me with a VERY important question. "Did you remember to schedule your doctor appointment last week like you were supposed to?" OMG, Kid, you have got to be freaking kidding me! Are you serious? It's Sunday night, way past your bedtime, and you want to know if I scheduled MY doctor appointment? Seriously? No. Just, no.

I looked at him with one of those "looks" that your grandma gave you right before she bit your head off for breaking something of value... he ran. I've seen this kid run like the wind, but never this fast. He was just GONE. Quiet... finally it was quiet. I was sure they were asleep. I started cleaning up the mess they had made from getting ready for bed when I hear this tiny little whisper from my daughter's doorway, "Patience really is a virtue, Mommy. You are supposed to be patient with me and my brother. It's important." "Oh, really?" I said, "Why is that?"
Barely peeking her head around the doorway at this point she responds, "Because you have to do it again tomorrow."

I had no response. Logically, she was right. I was going to be doing it again the very next day. "Goodnight. Go to bed."

Definition of Patience: noun
1. the quality of being patient, as the bearing of provocation, annoyance, misfortune, or pain, without complaint, loss of temper, irritation, or the like.
2. an ability or willingness to suppress restlessness or annoyance when confronted with delay

Be a Giver VS. Get a husband!

Anyone that has been around a young child knows that kids are initially very needy. They can't function alone. Need examples? Here's a few:

• Wiping butts
• Picking boogers
• Fixing meals
• Brushing teeth
• Washing hands
• Reading labels on EVERYTHING

So, having two kids is double the fun! I'm constantly helping one or the other. Is it easy? No. Is it fun? Heck, no! Would I do things differently if I could turn back the clock? Never.

It has been a constant topic in the media and governments around the world on how single parents are able to raise their children to "be the best they can be" when on a single parent income, and without a father figure to round things out. CNN has recently shared an article AGAIN bringing attention to Republican 2016 presidential contender Jeb Bush's 1994 comment, "If people are mentally and physically able to work, they should be able to do so within a two-year period. They should be able to get their life together and find a husband, find a job, find other alternatives in terms of private charity or a combination of all three," Hello, slap-in-the-face.

I am perfectly happy being single. I don't want to date right now, as I don't think it's what's best for myself or my children. (Another story for another day) Would it help bring more money into the home? That's a question for women that are supporting their entire families, husbands included. 

I have friends from all over that would have different viewpoints on that topic.

• Single mom of 4 with two jobs and a loving family
• Single mom of adopted child that is learning as she goes
• Married mother of 1 and full-time step mother to 3
• Married mother of 2 working from home
• SEVERAL recently divorced single moms

You can't have one solution that applies to every scenario! Children watch their mothers very closely. They mimic their reactions, words, facial expressions, and deductive reasoning... which is why I bring up Being a Giver.

Over the past few years, I've found that it is easier and more healthy to divide your day into three parts:

1. Time for yourself: eat, sleep, meditate, self-care, etc.
2. Work. You have to make a living, right? Let's include paying the bills in this category.
3. Give your time helping others. This can include a conversation with the little ones in a car ride across town, volunteering for a non-profit, helping a friend move her furniture, letting a sibling vent your ear off about how sucky their day was... you get the point?

My children watch what I do. They see how tired I am, and God love them, they TRY to give me quite time when I need it. They see that I work on things that are important to me, necessary as a family, and helpful to others. They don't ask why I'm helping a friend get their non-profit up and running. They don't ask why I didn't buy the name brand cereal at the store instead of the generic brand. They don't ask "why?" about many things because it's what they KNOW. I want my children to be strong and independent when they are adults, not dependent on someone else. If they learn one thing from me in life, I'd prefer that it be my three-part-day. Sometimes it won't work perfectly, but it builds character. 

Does anyone have their life together? I'll ask God one day about that... because I sure don't see that happening anytime soon. Honestly, I wouldn't have it any other way. I'll give of myself until I can give no more, and will continue to do so, before I "get a husband."