The Archaic Use of Guilt Tripping

 Breaking the Cycle: The Archaic Use of Guilt Tripping

Ah, the classic boomer move: "I did this for you, so now you owe me." It's a tried-and-true tactic that’s been passed down through generations like a family heirloom—only less glamorous. And while it might work for getting the dishes done, it sure doesn't do much for emotional connection.

But wait, it gets better! The grandparents chime in too, unintentionally stacking on more "obligations" to the pile. Whether it’s a favor, a gift, or a well-meaning piece of advice, the cycle of emotional debt becomes a

never-ending chain. It's as if emotional manipulation is the family tradition no one ever signed up for. But here's the kicker: the problem isn’t just that we feel obligated, it’s that we don’t even realize it’s happening.

So, what now? Well, it’s time to break that cycle. It might sound impossible—like trying to change a family recipe that’s been passed down for decades—but it’s doable. Start with communication. No more “you owe me” or "I did this for you" guilt trips. Instead, let’s speak up, set boundaries, and show love without strings attached. Imagine a family dynamic where everyone feels supported instead of indebted. It’s not just a dream; it’s a choice.

How do we break this cycle? Start small. Have a conversation with your loved ones. Be honest, but approach it with care. You don’t have to confront decades of patterns all at once. Let them know how you feel, and ask for what you need. It may feel uncomfortable at first, but in the long run, it’ll lead to healthier relationships. Set boundaries around the "you owe me" mentality, and make it clear that your love and support come without strings attached. Most importantly, keep an open heart and mind. Change takes time, but it's worth it.

For Kids...It’s Hard, But Worth It: And hey, for the younger generation navigating these dynamics—breaking the cycle isn’t easy. It may feel like you're fighting an uphill battle at times, but keep in mind that you’re not just reshaping your own future. You’re setting a new example for the next generation, showing them what healthy, balanced relationships look like. So, take a deep breath, be kind to yourself, and remember that change takes time. But the effort? Absolutely worth it.

Interview with Spoon Full Of Sugar Rex & Nelle

In February of 2023, I was honored to be interviewed by Rex with Spoon Full of Sugar. Spoon Full of Sugar is a dedicated 501(c)3 organization founded by Rex and Nelle Muhlestein, who has personally experienced the challenges of living with an autoimmune disease. Committed to raising awareness about chronic pain and fatigue, they aim to educate the public, support those affected, and advocate for better understanding and treatment options. By providing resources, support groups, and educational materials, Spoon Full of Sugar  strives to empower individuals and families navigating the challenges of chronic pain and fatigue. Their efforts are aimed at fostering a compassionate and informed community. 

This interview was just prior to my diagnosis of my third macroadenoma. To learn more about the work they do and about Nelle's story, check out the following link: 

SPOON FULL OF SUGAR

CHRONIC PAIN & SUFFERING AWARENESS

I'm Not Perfect!

How do you balance expectations for "social media moms" measure of success with our own well-being? In a recent convo with a friend, she shared how she felt so stuck and insufficient, basically calling herself a loser. She told me how she had the picture-book marriage and home life, which was what she portrayed on Facebook. Those were goals, on top of the career choice she had aimed towards. She realized she had it all... but felt depressed and anxious that even after all of these things came into fruition, she wasn't happy. 

So the question is: Why is she comparing herself to all of the other moms on social media? In what ways has it become a competition and why? As a single mom, I've started to realize that when we focus so narrowly on those few goals, we forget the journey we're on. And my friend is not alone in her battle. I see it everyday! Don't you catch yourself taking multiple pictures before finding just the right one before sharing it with your 500+ friends? Some of us adhere to messages from society that indicates a need to have it all together. On Instagram, Facebook and even Snapchat, people show off their lives in such a way that concludes that they have reached all of their goals. Sounds simple, right? What we forget is that there are so many parts of our friends' lives that they aren't posting. Heaven forbid we run into them in public with no makeup on, sporting yesterday's clothes with breakfast stains.

So how do we approach this in ourselves? Acceptance and Commitment. I challenge you to accept where you are in life right now and understand that we have to let go sometimes so we can focus on what we are experiencing in the present moment. You don't need to share all of these details, because this is just for you, without creating judgement or trying to alter the situation... a change will occur. A shift will happen within yourself.

There's an additional approach: Changing and challenging maladaptive thoughts, cognitive twists and actions by promoting emotional regulation since your are TRYING to target current problems.

My friend's thought that things couldn't turn around, and her life was spiraling into a dark hole... is very relatable. I asked her to show some validity to her statements. Prove them to be true. Find the facts. The fact she found is that she needed to be in therapy.

Therapy is very much available these days, but everyone has an opinion on it! You don't have to hit the floor to get help. You can reach for help as soon as you recognize that you're going to need it! It lets people open up without being judged. You get that much needed validation, simultaneously challenging your beliefs and encouraging you to open up some doors and look and the journey you're on.

Do you want to look like you have the perfect life or do you want to feel fulfilled, where you actually feel your emotions that you've been portraying? Be vulnerable. Ask for help. Life isn't a competition. 

SAMHSA’s National Helpline – 1-800-662-HELP (4357)

SAMHSA’s National Helpline is a free, confidential, 24/7, 365-day-a-year treatment referral and information service (in English and Spanish) for individuals and families facing mental and/or substance use disorders.