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3 different single mamas; 3 different stories. We invite you to join us in the triumphs and failures as single mothers! Let’s lift each other up! We would love your feedback, and we encourage you to share your stories.
Many blessings,
A Single Moms Vent

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Thursday, December 12, 2019

Budget Guide for the Single Mom

Creating and adjusting to a budget is a pain in the rear, but necessary. You can try a printable budget worksheet to track your monthly spending so you know where your money is disappearing off to, and then you can make the changes that will help you get life moving in the right direction.


As much as I love (loathe) organizing, it didn't take long for me to learn the skill of budgeting. I am what old folks call a tight wad and I am good at living within my means, but creating a budget and sticking to it has always been a hard one. I usually start the month on the right track, but it seems like there is always something lurking around the corner ready to take a yummy bite out of my bank account.
Budgeting isn’t something we learned at my school, though, I think they're teaching it now as an elective. Doing it on your own is scary! Admit it.
There’s never a bad time to start budgeting, but you also won’t have any more success if you start at the “right” time because there isn't one. In the past, I have made a lot of excuses. Extra expenses come along – like car repairs and medical bills – to throw off my plans. If I’m honest, though, there is always something. Y'all know that purse was on sale. No refunds.

How to use a budget worksheet 💜

In my own budget, I included only the expenses that I have. However, there's a few categories for this printable that I think many people use. For example, I don't use Amazon Prime but do have a dreaded cable bill. I'm one of the lucky few that don't have a car note RIGHT NOW, but that'll only last until my hunk of junk makes it's final puff of smoke on the side of the road. (I do love that thing)
The budget worksheet that you'll get to use is one another super mom created and is divided into three main categories: household bills, necessities, and irregular expenses. Household bills are the regular monthly bills that are necessary for your house. Get over it, you have to pay them.
The second category, necessities, is things that you purchase regularly with a flexible amount. The last category, irregular expenses, is really divided into sub-categories. These expenses are once in a blue moon things and can change from month to month. The “fun shopping” sub-category is kind of vague, but it is also the easiest to DELETE when necessary.

Start by writing in your income sources at the top. Also, fill in the date for each week. (Don't get antsy, because I said add dates) Now start keeping track of how much you spend! Before you can make changes to your budget, you need to know what you are already doing wrong. Every time money comes in or goes out, write it on the correlating line under the appropriate week. It doesn't matter if you're paying a couple dollars for soda, because it adds up.  When you get to the end of the month, add up your totals. No cheating!


Printable budget worksheet 💜

This budget worksheet fits on a single 8.5×11-inch page. You can print as many copies as you need for personal use. You may need to allow popups or give permission to download.


Monday, December 2, 2019

The All-Consuming Relationship

          It's incredible how some of us don't see that we're in a toxic relationship until we feel like we're drowning. We start out in this amazing situation where we feel like everything is perfect, when we feel the butterflies in our stomach and all we can think about is the intensity of the attention we're getting and how much we missed it. It's disturbing how quickly it can be mistaken for love.
Some of us have started out in these relationships prior to having kids, when all we could think about was having that happy life with a house and kids and a wonderful spouse to share it with. Of course the first thing we want to do is find that perfect spouse! Don't get me wrong, sometimes they just appear out of nowhere and they consume us. I don't use the word consume lightly because that is literally what happens. Your whole world shifts... Be it your career, your friendships, your relationship with your family members. This amazing person comes into your life and they become your life. It's almost as if you didn't even have say-so in the matter. It can happen to the strongest and more independent of us. Next thing you know we feel like everything depends on this other person.
Heaven forbid we schedule something that screws up his schedule. There's no way we could ever eat at a restaurant that he doesn't approve of. Why did you even think to wear that outfit because it's not something he would want you to wear? Why are you still talking to that girl that you've been best friends with your entire life because they're not good for you? 
You are literally questioning everything you have become over your lifetime!
Now whether you ended up marrying this person or not, you're now at the point where there are kids involved. 
Now you are financially dependent on this person whether you like it or not. You have no choice. It's like there are claws embedded in every single part of your life. 
Here's the tricky thing about it though:
This guy that has taken over your life could be any type of person. He could be an addict, or a narcissist, or someone that has mental instability that he's been hiding from you and he decided to stop taking his medication without telling you that you didn't even know he was taking to begin with! It could be any number of things!
But here you are, too scared to leave and terrified to stay. You've lost almost every single one of your friends and support system. You're exhausted because you feel like you are the only one that's able to take care of your kids.
Mental and physical abuse may be part of your life now. Is this affecting your kids as well? What are you doing now?
This happens to the thousands and thousands of women everyday. You could be at grocery store and walk past someone in your exact situation and not even know it.
We've all seen commercials about how to get out of these situations and relationships, but something deep inside says that that's just not you. So you choose to stay.
I raised my son on my own because his father suffered from mental illness and spent most of his adulthood in prison or on the run. I could see it every time he tried to show up and manipulate my son and everyone around him, and I always hoped he would change. I still hope that one day he will. But logically I know better. 
I cry for friends that are being abused and are too scared to leave. I praise God for the strength he gave my friends that did leave those vicious situations, yet they're still fighting the aftermath day in and day out. I see kids being affected be the terror of these situations, mine included, and I beg women to understand the long-lasting effects it can have. I have them myself from my own parent's toxic relationship.
There are so many organizations that exist primarily to help women get out of abusive relationships with or without children just to start over. There are women that leave with absolutely nothing and have to start completely from scratch and they do it. Lord knows it takes a lot of courage but they do.
So here's where I reach the point where I get stuck. I can't rescue them. I can't save them. I can tell them all the right things and be as encouraging as I can, but when it all comes down to it... I have no control over it. They have to fight this battle on their own.

For those seeking resources:





Tuesday, November 19, 2019

Christmas Shopping on a Budget

Not the first to admit that I hate shopping for Christmas presents and I'm sure I won't be the last. I don't like wrapping paper, and gift bags are the best thing ever invented. I'm 75% sure that I'm one of those moms that puts things off until a few weeks prior to Christmas before actually going to get the stuff that I should have already purchased. I am not one of those amazing women that have shopping done in June. I actually do know some people that have their shopping done by February by catching all of those awesome sales that they have it every freaking the store following New year's!
I'm still trying to wrap my head around the fact that stores and online sales are insisting
that Black Friday starts 3 weeks prior to the actual Black Friday and continues all the way through Christmas. Heaven forbid they stick to one single day. Of course that would rule out all of the other holidays that stores have sales such as, on President's day or Memorial day... Not that those two days have anything to do with shopping for presents or anything at all shopping related whatsoever. Sales promotions driving me nuts, therefore I honestly try to avoid shopping all together.
Let's get straight to the point. you want to know where to save money and I'm going to tell you where I get my best shopping on. Yes, you can get some great sales at Wal-Mart, but do you really want to deal with that? And yes, you can get some unbelievable sales online on cyber Monday, but I'm totally anti-box/shipping right now because so many people are losing jobs. So I am forced to admit that I am a value shopper to the extreme. Moms, believe it or not your little ones will not remember what you got them from the store when they were itty bitty... So you can take them with you!
My go to stores, when holiday shopping is forced upon me, starts with Ross. I absolutely love that store. First to hit up then makeup and accessories section. They have so many cool stocking stuffers in knickknacks that you can give to Mom, teen daughters, and even teachers if you really like them. Then you head straight to the back! You will find anything from pictures to hang on a wall that you know what your friend really needs, or the really cute puppy stuff bed your grandmother wants. they have so many awesome kitchen things for that brother-in-law that lives in the kitchen! And of course, there is everything you can possibly shove in a gift bag at the last minute close to the register. Most of this stuff is mid to high quality products and no one will know the difference.
You can pretty much do the same thing at places like TJ Maxx and Marshalls! The prices might be a little bit higher, but you can always find something amazing like a really cute purse for your sister or your cousin. 
Now when it comes down to being Santa, don't be that Mom that thinks she has to buy everything. It is not a competition. You do not need an entirely new collection of toys. You just got rid of some of the old ones and you're still dealing with birthday ones that you regret you bought in the first place.
One of the best places besides the dollar store (this includes Family Dollar, Dollar General, Family Dollar, etc) where you really need to check for the basics like candy canes and all of the candy stuff involved... Five Below is a must. There is so much stuff in there that you can literally find something for everyone. Grandpa needs a new book, there are tons and tons and tons and tons of toys/activity sets, home decor, and trust me when I say that they are fully prepared for Christmas presents. They are stocked in the candy department as well. You might even find a fun movie to throw in on your Christmas Eve quality time or find a really cool witty t-shirt for a party you have to attend.
Target has their cheaper stuff up front when you first walk in, which is great, but there's a huge section in the back that is dedicated to stuffing those stockings. I'm never really thrilled about the prices on some of the stuff, but you can usually find something if you're in a bind. And don't forget that there is a 20% off coupon on most toys. You can scan it with your phone in any toy isle.
Last but not least, JCPenney does cram tons of stocking stuffers in the isles. There's always an
awesome amount of $3.50 t-shirts for boys that have really cool themes anywhere from Star Wars to throwback TV shows and heavy metal bands. This might work for brothers as well.
So tell me! Where do you go shopping? I always encourage my friends and family to shop local, but sometimes it just isn't in the budget. You have to shop cheap. I get it. So what is your secret? 

Monday, November 18, 2019

A Single Mom's Emergency Car Kit

        Not every mom, or woman for that matter can depend on someone else to come to their rescue with a quick phone call when they have a flat tire or are having car trouble. It can be a scary situation to be in, especially with kids in the car. 
Speaking from experience, I thought I'd share with you what I make sure I keep in my vehicle so I'm prepared for a sticky situation. These come in handy, especially on a road trip!
  • First aid kit (super cheap to find at Wal-Mart or Target)
  • Flashlight (You kind find these everywhere, but frequently check battery)
  • Flares or orange cones (You need to be VISIBLE)
  • Spare tire (We'll go over how to change that!)
  • Can of Fix-a-Flat: If you’re losing air or forgot to keep your spare filled, this will get you to the next gas station. I got a small compressor that you can keep in the car instead.
  • Jumper cables (My compressor doubles as a battery charger!)
  • Pepper spray & a window/glass breaker: Don't want to get stuck... with a crazy person or in flood water
  • 550 Cable: This cable can be used for anything - tying your bumper back on, your hood back down, used to tie off an emergency medical situation, the list goes on...
  • Collapsible gas can: We are horrible at stopping to get gas, so try to keep your gas gauge over 1/4 of a tank! 
  • Water (drinkable is great but you might need it to put in your coolant tank, so make sure you have extra)
  • Small fire extinguisher: I know this sounds odd, but sometimes electrical fires just happen! Be prepared for anything.
  • Car phone charger - let's face it... I always let my phone die!
Remember, if you get in a wreck, turn the car off immediately. Sparks flying can cause a major problem!! I hope this has been helpful, and make sure you're prepared for those holiday trips coming up, even if it's across town.
Now let's show you how to change that flat tire...

Thursday, November 14, 2019

Why You Aren't Allowed To Call My Kid Crazy!

Do you remember when you were younger going into school on that first day and feeling that severe anxiety that you would not know how to handle a situation, or make a new friend, or completely embarrass yourself? Now multiply that times 100, add random hyperness and random depression, throw in some crazy teen hormones and the typical boy genes... And then you can see my son.
He is this amazing creation of imagination and emotion all rolled into one. He has wonderful manners that I will totally take credit for! (He gladly shares these with everyone outside of the home) 
But before I get off track, I'm going to tell you what he's the most amazing at. He goes all day at school without exploding and letting all of those emotions get the best of him. He hides it all day and fakes a smile and pretends that everything is perfectly fine. You might recognize that in yourself! Adults do it everyday. But when my son comes home he crumbles, and it's not pretty. Sometimes it can take hours to pick up the pieces.
Yes, he has a wonderful therapist and a support system but he does not see that. All he can feel is that he's alone and he's scared that he's going to feel like that for the rest of his life. Does that sound familiar? It's something a lot of single moms feel! We may have a few friends that we can call when we're stressed out. We may have a relative that we can call in case of an emergency. We get frustrated. We get angry. We don't know how to communicate our feelings sometimes. 
It's amazing how quick people are able to judge a teenager that is going through such a hard time when we ourselves are dealing with the exact same thing. We just don't know how to relate!
So for those of you with young children that may not be in school yet but are super hyper, don't be afraid to take them to the doctor. Ignore everyone's opinions on what you should do and shouldn't do with your hyper child. That is your child.
For you moms that have a kid that's having a hard time making friends in elementary school, it's okay. Remind them that when they get older, they might not even remember half of those kids. They are there to learn. 
That doesn't mean you need to ignore the situation, though! Explain to them how you have similar issues. Tell them how you have problems making friends sometimes being a single mom. 
For those of you with teenagers, my heart is with you. I feel your frustration.
Your teen may or may not be able to function in school. They may be battling anxiety, depression, bipolar disorder, PTSD, etc and there ARE outlets for you to guide you. There are programs in place to help your student at school. Do not throw your hands up in the air and let some stranger call your kid crazy. Your kid is a warrior just like you are. They are currently in a battle fighting their own war that they may or may not win. Be on their side. Be part of their support system that you wish you had.
There are so many support groups online that you can join where there are mothers and fathers of young adults with "mental illnesses" that can be a shoulder to cry on! You aren't alone.
So I'm telling you now, my son isn't crazy. I may want to scream that at the top of my lungs sometimes because honestly I think we're all a little bit crazy. No. My son, my ambitious and creative teen, my first born... He's a warrior. I'm his mom, but I'm going to be fighting right along side him.

Monday, March 12, 2018

I Could Have Died But I Didn't #2

So everyone has the one time in their life that they think "Geez, I really could have died." Well I could have died pulling walking to the mailbox and tripping over my own feet and cracking my head open but that never happened. I'm just saying, everyone gets at least one of those oddball stories.
Y'all, I have tons. Most of them are from driving in Houston, because let's face it... the driving lessons must have slipped their minds before getting behind that wheel.
My number one was my most recent surgery back in February of 2017. Now if you read my first ever post, this would be my second tumor removed out of my head. I think I've got this surgery thing down by now. You see a ton of doctors and get lots of MRIs and tests and blood work, and ohhh the paperwork. I sign my name so fast it doesn't look like a name. It doesn't resemble a letter. 
Okay. Back to the point. So this tumor is right next to my pituitary gland and optical nerves and major arteries... here. You can watch a video.
Gross right? So mine was bigger and more complicated because they had to go in the same hole they drilled through the last time and they weren't 100% sure I'd make it out at my 100%. I'm pretty stubborn and my kids need me so I did. So here's the skinny, I was in recovery and my son came in just to see me. I was not letting him see me like that. So what did I do? Selfie!

Yes. Against everyone telling me to lay down and I was too drugged out to even be awake, I set up and showed my son that I was okay. That's what moms do.
So my little anxiety ridden son left that day with a lot less stress about me and more stress about going home without me.
So, after my fair share of torture in the neuro ICU (just kidding, Houston Methodist is amazing) I'd had my fill of hearing the crying and the smells of God knows what I was smelling cause it was NOT coming from me. They checked to see if I could stand up, and I did. They just stared at me like I was a freak of nature. I was like, cool. Can I go home now? No such luck. They don't let you leave a day after brain surgery. BUT I can can talk them into three. I was in my own room, walking myself to the restroom, moving around like an old lady... slightly nauseated. I had to get out of there. My kids needed me. So day THREE: I was outta there. Bruised. Alive.


And... I still don't follow the rules.

I know there are the DUH rules about being a mom. There's the bedtime rule, the feed your kid rule, and of course the potty train your kid before they get into school rule. 
Let me tell you something. I am not spending one more minute hovering over my kid's sink trying to shove their toothbrush into the right spot just to get spat on. 
I am taking my kids to the dentist every six months like I'm supposed to. I tell them to go brush their teeth like I'm supposed to. For the love of all that is holy! My son is 14! So yes, I took his whiny butt to the dentist today to get a few fillings. Yes, the dentist glared at me and was trying to talk to ME about oral hygiene like a freaking 5 year old. Kid, I'm older than you and I was learning how to brush my teeth when your parents were in middle school. Don't talk to me about how to brush teeth.
 So check this out: I sat in the corner of the room watching my son get his fillings and I was just commenting on how it didn't hurt, it was just the cold water. He's never going to get a girlfriend with nasty teeth and bad breath. 
The assistant literally turned around and asked what my problem was. 
MY PROBLEM? Heffa! The kid won't brush his teeth and I'm sitting in a chair while your boss is drilling holes in his permanent teeth. Are you paying for it? No? Shut it.
Yes, I was the ultimate bitch today. I have to use that word because there is not one single word that could possibly describe what was going through my head.
How did I end up with a daughter that is going to need major orthodontic work, yet brushes and flosses and even uses mouthwash like she's supposed to, yet her big brother can't seem to brush his teeth?
I quit. I'm done. Not even two hours later he had managed to hunt down one of those push-pop suckers that moms fear at the check out lines at grocery stores. BLUE TEETH y'all. They were blue. Like I wouldn't notice? COME. ON.
So, I'm gonna feed him. I'm gonna provide for him what I'm supposed to. But if one more person tells me I need to brush his teeth for him... middle finger right up in their face, cause it ain't happening. Nope. I am done. Forget the rules.